Turo Virta: 0:58

So today's conversation is about something many people don't talk about honestly enough, drinking more than you planned, not because, not necessarily because you have a huge problem or you don't have discipline, but maybe because alcohol has become the way you switch off the way you calm down after a long day, the way you reward yourself, the way you deal with the stress, overthinking, or emotional overload, and this is very similar to what I see with the food, and many people don't eat after dinner because they are truly hungry. They eat because they are tired, stressed, overwhelmed, or finally have a quiet moment. And alcohol can work the same way. That's why I'm excited for today's guest, Tenzi Forest. Tenzi is a clinical hypnotherapist and the order of 10 steps to drink less and live well. She helps high functioning adults to drink less without labels, shame, or all or nothing thinking. In this episode, we talk about over drinking, moderation, stress, evening habits, social pressure, and how to build more control without feeling deprived. So, if you have ever told yourself, I'll just have one, and then it turned into more than you planned. This conversation is for you. So, Tenzi, I'm so excited to have and have you in my show, and I'll learn from you. Could you shortly tell who you are, where you live, and little bit about yourself?

Unknown: 2:45

Thank you. And the lovely introduction, that was really nice. Yeah, sure. So, my name is Tansy Forrest, and I am a clinical hypnotherapist, like you said. I live in Wimbledon with my seven year old son and my husband, and I, in my practice, I create meditations to help people on YouTube with alcohol and relaxation practices, and I also have written a book called 10 Steps to Drink Less and Live Well, so I'm very much, you know, immersed in helping people move forward and create a positive future for themselves.

Turo Virta: 3:31

Nice. And by the way, your YouTube channel has amazing videos. I just looked, you have almost 200,000 followers there, and very, very powerful tool. So, if you are interested to look at Tensors Group, make sure at least to check her YouTube channel, that is amazing source. But before we go to practical tools, could you share what led you to focus on helping people drink less?

Unknown: 4:05

Yeah, sure. So, around my early 30s, I realized I had an issue with alcohol myself, so like many people at university, you know, you go out and party and have a good time, and most people start to kind of calm down after that period, but I didn't really calm down, you know, and my drinking kind of escalated to the point where it was kind of affecting my house, you know, certain family members were saying to me, "you're drinking too much, and I just started to realize that it just, it wasn't a healthy relationship. I think, in part, it was to do with the fact of a bereavement, so I lost my brother when I was 28 and he was 24 and I didn't really deal with that grief, and I kind of didn't realize the effect that alcohol was having in kind of repressing that grief, and so you know, but that was the kind of circumstances, you know, you got back on and started working, and yeah, I should have, in hindsight, had more time to deal with that emotionally, so time went on, and alcohol became my coping mechanism, but I'm quite a determined person, and I realized I wanted to change, and so I found hypnotherapy in relation to cutting down on alcohol, and it was just life changing for me. It made me realize that I wasn't stuck in this situation. And I could change, I could improve my life, I could take control of alcohol, and it helped me really kind of visualize the future that I wanted and raise my confidence, because you know, my confidence wasn't great, you know, and as I'm sure people listening who might have an issue with the alcohol, you know, it really does affect your sense of self, your self-esteem. So, the hypnotherapy really lifted my confidence, and I realized that if this could have such a positive, powerful impact on me, then I could help other people as well. So, that's when I decided to actually change careers, because I was a teacher formally, and I retrained completely as a therapist, because I just knew that this is what I wanted to do, and yeah, I never really looked back after that, it's just, just such a pleasure and a privilege to help people in this area.

Turo Virta: 7:04

Wow, that's what a story. So interesting, and it's, I guess, that in life you never know, and I'm, I think that first of all, I'm sorry about loss of your brother, and I think that, but ultimately, what it led, like, I'm a big believer that something like everything happens in a life for a reason, and maybe, maybe that was for you, or this passion. Now you have helped so many people, and this is this is you at some point we don't, maybe at the moment, and there is a tough moment in life, you don't understand why it's happening, but there is I believe that there is reason for everything, and looking back at some point you can turn those difficult moments also your strength, and for something greater, and that is, I had an immediate feeling with you that you have turned like a burst nightmare into something, what is like really helping others and giving you so much back, so I'm very, very proud of you. Obviously, like changing careers, having safe teacher job. I'm sure it wasn't easy to say that now. This is, I'm just stopping to do it, and, and going to completely something different.

Unknown: 8:35

Yeah, well, I think that for me the kind of satisfaction I get from helping people is massive, and like, particularly on my YouTube, when I'm writing the meditations for people, like, the appreciation that I get is so nice, you know, and it kind of keeps me going and keeps me motivated, and I feel a sense that people see who I am through that, that I want to help them, and I want to be there for them through, like, lower moments, because I know how it's felt, so you know it's kind of supporting people in difficult times is, is, is a real privilege, and also the other thing I like about YouTube is that it's free, so people can listen to, you know, higher quality material, but that it doesn't matter if they've got a lot of money or less, they can still access good material, which is really important to me.

Turo Virta: 9:35

Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely, and this is it's still like when you help people, that is the best, best, same thing for me. If it's, it's not, maybe it's against all what business coach is, and everything, of course, we have bills to pay, and something like that, but it's when you are able to give people something, and giving that joy, joy, or helping their helping them to change their life, totally different, so much better. That is, I think, for every coach, is the biggest thing what keeps them motivated? It's not about how much you earn or what kind of money, and usually the best people who are helping the most, they don't even have to worry about how they make a living themselves. It's the last thing what do you need to learn?

Unknown: 10:39

Yeah, that's my feeling. Because sometimes when you work for yourself, you can be like, well, is this one gonna work out, you know? But I've just always had this feeling of everything's gonna be fine, just keep working on the next project, and I just feel happy, like every day that I found a job that I love, so. So yeah, it's a great source of joy for me,

Turo Virta: 11:01

so what, the what does like, who are usually the people who you work with, so because what is what, like obviously they are drinkers, but what, how does that over drinking look like in a real life?

Unknown: 11:23

So, my clients are from all over the world, because they come through YouTube mainly, and they are usually like high achieving professionals, men or women, who have noticed that their alcohol usage has crept up over time, so maybe they might have been a moderate drinker before, had a couple of glasses of wine, and now it's crept up a bit, and now they're kind of drinking about, you know, maybe a bottle of wine a night, something like that, and they notice that it's affecting their health over time, so they might feel tired in the morning, they might notice that their weight has crept up, they might notice that their, you know, their motivation is is lower and their skin has changed, and things like that, and so that's, you know, they tend to be the people that I work with, and they've tried things, so they've tried already, they've tried to count the units, they've tried to cut down a bit, and it hasn't worked, and so they feel a bit stuck, so everything else in their life might be looking really great on paper, but there's this one thing where they feel like I just don't know where to go with that, and then that's where I come in,

Turo Virta: 12:51

because you talk so much about overthinking, overworking, and over drinking. So, could you explain that loop in simple terms?

Unknown: 13:07

Yeah, so I think what happens for a lot of people is over, over, overworking. First of all, people are very driven, you know, they're working really long hours, and it gets the end of the day, and their off switch becomes the alcohol, so it's kind of like their point to finish the day, decompress, and that becomes the thing that is their go-to, but of course, you know, and this also helps them, you know, stop the overthinking. It shuts off their mind for a while, but the problem is alcohol. It gives us something, but it also takes a lot as well. So they might find that they're waking up in the middle of the night, you know, they're they're not sleeping properly, and they're waking up feeling kind of rusty in the morning, so but then you know they put get pulled into that trap because then they're anxious from being in a bit of a low level hangover state, and so then the alcohol comes in and you know they have a drink and then they start to feel better again, so it's kind of giving and taking, but taking so much more.

Turo Virta: 14:27

So, what is, in your opinion, is coming first? Because there is that loop, loop usually, but what is usually first, is it the stress, habit, or to drink, I

Unknown: 14:40

think it's the, I think it's the stress, because I notice when people do less, relax more, have a more peaceful lifestyle, you know, you know, really kind of up the self care, then the alcohol lowers itself naturally, you know. But I, in one of my chapters, I talk about self care and living a balanced life, you know. Some people, if they're going 90 miles an hour, you know, they're going to need something to slow them down, but if you think about it, you know, if you change your lifestyle and if you live a more nourishing lifestyle, you're not going to want to escape from it in the same way,

Turo Virta: 15:25

so why you think then that so many high functioning people drink more than they want, even if, when their life looks good from outside.

Unknown: 15:40

Well, I think I mean some people might have issues that are unresolved. I mean, like for myself, you know, there was a grief issue there. Other people may have gone through stressful life events, have a lot of people work. Work with those who have gone through divorce, for example, or bereavement, you know, and they're using alcohol as a way to cope with that, and yeah, it's just over time it gets a bit out of control. Sometimes

Turo Virta: 16:19

this is it's like my, my dad used to. He passed away now a couple years ago, but he was exactly like that kind of person. He was from outside, everything looked good. He was, and he obviously never committed that he had a problem, but when I think my childhood, it was always like every evening he had his couple drinks, maybe was a little bit rusty in the morning, but maybe it was a little bit more on the weekends, but never like, but it was daily habit, and obviously he never committed that. He said that he can, he can be without, he have no issue. And then he did like a tried January's, and and but it was daily, it was daily, and and sometimes more, sometimes less, but that is that is just the loop where you, what is it's so easy to get into it, and it's, it's also those evenings are for many people so, so hard, like in my coaching, like they are for eating habits, like obviously some of my clients use also alcohol, but what do you do? You see the same way in with your work with the evenings that people are struggling with the evenings, or

Unknown: 17:52

yeah, I think definitely cravings for alcohol come in, generally speaking, around the evening, because you know it's a habit, you know, end of the day wanting to relax, and I think there's so many overlaps with food as well, you know, wanting to unwind by eating something to treat yourself, you know, and I think, yeah, it's, it's, it's one in the same thing, and some people go for food, some people go for alcohol, some people go for both, yeah.

Turo Virta: 18:28

So, why you think that this is happening, that it, that alcohol become such an easy way to off switch at the end of the day,

Unknown: 18:40

because it's available and it's been marketed to us over many years as something to, you know, help us relax. If you watch TV programs, as soon as someone's bit stressed and TV program, they'll go and have a glass of wine, you know, it's something that we see a lot, and it's, you know, it's freely available, so people kind of get into the habit of using it, and the brain wants something easy, so it thinks, right, I feel a bit stressed today. What worked yesterday, right? It was the gin and tonic, and then you know, but if we don't pause and think about it, then we can easily kind of be pulled into those, those habits of before. So I always say to clients often, you know, play it forward. This is one of my techniques, is play it forward. You know, think about how you're going to feel the next day if you drink that drink. You're not just what do you want in the moment, and I think that's probably is that the same with food. You know, it's like play it forward, how you're going to feel if you reach for the chocolate bars in the middle of the night, I know it didn't make me feel any better.

Turo Virta: 20:02

Yeah, no, it's that is exactly the same way with the food, like, and it's, but it's still so hard thing to do, but to learn to think in the long term and think that how does this thing, what I'm going to either eat or drink is going to make me feel, in let's say, in 12 hours from now, or in 24 hours, it's going to make me feel better, or, and obviously, you can, longer you are able to put that time frame, that is, it's going to help solve all problems in, let's say, next year, if I keep doing it, at the moment it's the solution, is always in that short term, it's either that food, it suppress your unwanted feelings, but in the long term, it's going to actually make things even worse, and not, not better, and. That, but still, it's, it's very hard thing to do, but what is, what do you think is people, what are they looking when they pour that glass of wine or open that drink at the night?

Unknown: 21:14

Well, I think a lot of people are looking for an escape, you know, they're looking to change their feelings, you know, change their mood, and I think alcohol can do that. It can change your mood, but what happens is like a pendulum, it swings one way, but then it will swing back the other way. So, for example, we've had a bad day, you know, the boss has been annoying us, you know, we think, right, get home, have some drinks, the next day you wake up, you still got to go to work, you still got to deal with the boss, but you're not in the same mindset, in a sense that you are, you're feeling worse, so not only have you drunk, but you've, you know, the problem is still, still there, and you haven't allowed your feelings to be processed naturally.

Turo Virta: 22:13

That's, that's very true. Why do you think, because you talk a lot about willpower and moderation, and I'm curious to know what you think, that why doesn't willpower work very well with alcohol?

Unknown: 22:32

Well, I tend to think that the best results from moderation are come through planning and putting ourselves in a position where we are best catered for, and actually thinking about it's the same with food, you know. If you think about someone who's going to be eating well, planning is essential, making you sure you've got the right food in the house, you know that you don't go too long between meals, etc. The same is with alcohol, you know, there's lots of tips and tricks that people can use, so for example, having smaller portions of alcohol, you know, having a half bottle of wine in the fridge, for example, rather than a whole bottle, really helps a lot of people drinking from a smaller glass, starting later, eating, you know, is the full stop to alcohol consumption, and you know that helps people quite a bit as well, because I think if we drink on an empty stomach, we're more likely to drink, you know, more than we plan to. So, there's lots of kind of planning that we can do to actually meet our meet our goals,

Turo Virta: 23:55

and you also say, like you mentioned a little bit, that moderation is a skill. What does that actually mean for you?

Unknown: 24:06

So, when I was wanting to get better myself with alcohol, I read all the books on this. Okay, so all the books around the world on on all these like basically behavior change techniques and I learned a lot about the fact that you can actually learn to cut down by using different strategies essentially to help you so that can be learned, and it's, it's like it's basically like having a toolkit of things that works for you, and this is what I work with on my clients, so often if they're planning a week, so they're there, they're going to be going out with friends, you know, we might say, okay, so how are you going to cope with that situation, and they might have a plan, right? Well, I'm going to drink this amount of drinks. This is what I'm going to drink. I'm going to arrive at this time, you know. I'm going to plan when I'm going to come home the next day. I'm going to do an exercise class or something like that. So, they've got something booked in for the next day, and when they, when they have a plan, they are much more likely to be successful, so yeah, that's it's about building a kind of toolkit of things that work for them,

Turo Virta: 25:29

yeah, it's it sounds the strategies actually are pretty much same with everything, everything like obviously cut down bad habits, but also to beat better habits, like with the food or exercise, it's all about planning, probably avoiding extremes, like, because for many people, like I mentioned with my dad. To hear it always, that try January, and why? Why do you think that things like try January, they help some people, but they are not teaching any long-term moderation.

Unknown: 26:13

Yeah, that's right. I always say that the abstinence doesn't help you learn a moderation skill set, so often when people do dry January, they think that although it's great to have like a month off, and I recommend it definitely, but it's not going to help you kind of learn skills, you only learn skills when you're actually doing the thing and putting things into practice.

Turo Virta: 26:46

Yeah, it's same, same kind of thing, like with if you think dieting, it's the same same pattern, like obviously it's about willpower, discipline, if you have it, you can, you can make, you can keep try January, you can follow any very restrictive diet for a short period of time, but often it's you are counting days that, okay, I have, I will do this visit in alcohol, it's until end of January with some diet, it's until that you reach it, or you reach your goal weight, or or you have some 60 day challenge, but it's often it's it's not, it's not going, and then what I say that people are always thinking about this, then I will, because my question always is, that what you're going to do after, like in my dad's case, with the alcohol, it was he was waiting that it was february 1, so he could have a drink again, sometimes he wasn't drinking, he was at the, oh, he's making now extra week or two, but then at some point it's not the question, is not that is it going to last forever, but it was only a matter of time before he went back into those old habits, and and it's I see the same pattern with the dieting that you might be able to lose weight and then you think that you blame yourself, kind of, that you are not able to do it for longer, or you might think that, oh, now I started, well, I did it, I did months some extreme diet, but this is kind of what that, at least with the dieting, dieting industry wants, they want you to keep you on diet and showing like some amazing before-after pictures, but there is never like very few marketers. Obviously, it's not very, very sexy in social media to say that, though you are not going to see as fast progress as you would see with some other procedure, or going faster in the beginning, and, and, but what I, what I love to say is that you have to think one year from now, or two years, five years from now, and if you think that you are in a better place in one year from now, if you are every year keeping dry January, because you have to, you need it, or if you are, if you are, or if you have to start new diet every single January, or every other month, probably that solution is not going to help you, it just makes you feel worse in the long term, because you succeed, you fail, and it's never going to be a long term solution,

Unknown: 29:42

absolutely.

Turo Virta: 29:43

So, what is what kind of mistakes you see people are doing when they try to cut back alcohol?

Unknown: 29:57

Well, I think sometimes people, a bit like you, say they want to see change very quickly, and it doesn't work like that, you know. They have to give it time, and also they have to want to change as well. So, some people will sit in the chair, and they'll want to change, but they won't change. So they're wanting to be better, they're wanting to be well, but they're not prepared to change, they're not prepared to put in the work for whatever reason. So you know that can be challenging as well, but most people that come to me, they are ready, they're here because they do want to make a change, and you know they see some amazing results. I mean, I'll give you an example. I've got a chap in America, and he was drinking kind of 12 drink. Books a night, something like that, and he'd been doing this for years and years, and then he'd noticed that he'd had health problems, and we started working together, and he, over a long period of time, cut down what he was drinking, cut it down very gradually, tapered it down, down, and down until he got to zero, and did that safely. Felt so much better. And then now he's gently introduced drinking, and he just drinks like if he has a drink, he'd just have two drinks now, and he doesn't get it right all the time, but from where he's been to where he is now is incredible, and he looks very different. He looks, he's lost loads of weight, he just looks happy, and he says that he's just so much more in control of his life, but he also committed to it long term as well, so wasn't expecting to see things overnight.

Turo Virta: 32:01

Yeah, I was. This is something like often people think that this is just some problem you want to solve, and you want to solve it right away, that it disappears from one day to another, and obviously that is not the case in most cases, so you use hypnotherapy a lot in your work, and for someone who has never tried it, How does it help?

Unknown: 32:32

So hypnotherapy is feels very natural and relaxing, so it feels like meditation, basically. A lot of people think that it's about mind control, or, you know, kind of something, you know, with ill intent, and that comes from movies, you know, the way that hypnosis is portrayed. So, I guess a bit of a bad rap, but actually it can be incredibly helpful, and the reason it's very good is it gets you to imagine a different future. So, I'm a future-focused therapist, and I help clients to envisage how they're going to be in the future. Actually, it works really well for weight loss as well, because you can envisage how you're going to feel, and you know, so for those of you listening, there's lots of weight loss tracks I've got on YouTube to help people visit, envisage their healthy future, and the same is true for alcohol, so how are you going to feel when you cut down? How are you going to, you know, feel in your body, feeling your mind, you know? And so therefore people start borrowing these images, borrow that happiness from the future, and it gets them into a much more positive mind frame, and then we put lots of suggestions in there about how they're going to get there, and so as they listen to my voice, they go down into this kind of very relaxed state where we can communicate with the subconscious, and so this is where the mind doesn't put up any blocks. The mind is receptive to suggestions, and and then that's where the magic happens, because we can implant these positive suggestions, so clients start to feel a sense of I can do this, this is possible for me, and it just really elevates their mood, and yeah, they just kind of come away from that feeling just in a really positive mindset. Is it,

Turo Virta: 34:49

is it more about changing thoughts, calming the nervous system, or interrupting those automatic patterns,

Unknown: 34:59

I think it's all of those things. Yeah, it's all about it's about creating space between, you know, kind of a thought and an impulse, creating that that power to choose. It's about, you know, motivation. it's about changing habits. Yeah, it's, and also, like you said, it's about settling the nervous system and calming, you know, calming people down to the point where they feel they can think clearly about their life, and it's a focused state of attention where they can think specifically about this one topic without any, you know, noise from anywhere else. Yeah,

Turo Virta: 35:48

so how can someone start calming themselves down without needing alcohol? I.

Unknown: 35:56

Um, well, breathing techniques are really helpful. So, simple breathing techniques to calm the nervous system down can be really, really helpful. So, that's kind of having a longer out breath than in breath, and counting, you know, you can get apps to do that, that can be really helpful to help with cravings, meditation, hypnotherapy, doing less in the day, you know, kind of creating more nurturing spaces within the day, rather than just being full pelt busyness the whole time, I think that that really helps, you know, you can design your day as you want it, and other people find massage is good, although we can't do that all the time, something like having a lovely long hot bath at the end of the day, or a shower, going for a walk after work, being in nature, you know, there's many, many things we can think of before we need to look to alcohol, we just need to give the brain something else to latch on to to feel good.

Turo Virta: 37:15

No, absolutely, and this is, I personally, I think that going outside for a walk, having, if you are able to see sunlight, that is such a huge game changer for, like, many people, I see the difference, I'm, as I told you earlier, I'm originally from Finland, and now living in Italy, and, and what impact the Virta has. It's just great, like it just makes such a big difference on how you feel if you are able to, like, obviously I understand. If you live in, like, you live in UK, and or someone who is living somewhere where is a lot of rain, it's impossible to see, you know, you have probably months that you don't see sunlight, but if you still get even, even fresh air, get some outside walking, even if it's with an umbrella or something, it makes such a big difference. What this kind of, especially nowadays, when most of the people are staying inside and not going anymore for nature, that is, in my opinion, it's one of the, if not the biggest thing to help someone. So then I wanted to talk a little bit about social pressure, as that is always part of with alcohol, and if how you think someone can drink less without feeling boring or difficult or left out from some bigger events.

Unknown: 39:05

Well, I think it takes some getting used to, because a lot of people that I work with, and certainly myself, you know, we're used to kind of turning up to any event and accepting a drink. Yep, I'll have a drink. Have a drink. So, you don't actually go to social occasions without drinking, so you can't imagine it. However, when you are moderating and cutting down, there's going to be a lot of times when you go and you're not going to drink, and that takes practice. But when you do do that, often people find actually I had a better time when I didn't drink, you know, that that first five minutes when you arrive somewhere and you think, oh, you know, I'm going to have a drink, you know, someone's offering me a drink, and I feel nervous, because we all feel nervous sometimes when we get to an event we don't know anyone, if you can just ride through that first period, and just, you know, have something to eat, get chatting to someone, then you know you can get through that and have a soft drink, then you'll, you know, you'll be fine, and then once you have one event, and you think, all right, you know, I did that, and I felt much better. You have that as a positive reference point, and often people find also they have, like, more, you know, nicer connections with people. They turn up, and they're a better version of themselves. And once you start collecting those references, then you can kind of, that will supercharge your kind of journey to help you feel good, and to do more and more of it.

Turo Virta: 40:48

What is what is then something like, because you know, when you are in social event, and when some friends or. Family members are asking you that, that you want to drink, or if they are asking you that, why aren't you drinking? What could you say in those moments?

Unknown: 41:08

Well, I think it depends where you're at, your journey. I mean, really, I think you just need to go with something that you feel comfortable with, so you know it might be that you just sort of say I'm focusing on my health at the moment. You might say something like, you know, I'm, you know, I'm just taking a break. You might say, you know, whatever really feels comfortable, just practice it before the event, so that you feel comfortable saying it, and really other people's reactions say more about them than they do about you, so you know some people will want you to drink because they want a drinking buddy, you know, but you've just got to stay true to yourself and remember why you are doing this for you, and actually, most of the time people are much more interested in what they're doing than other people, so you know you don't need to overthink it.

Turo Virta: 42:12

Yeah, obviously, I feel like now my wife is pregnant and we are expecting our first son to born in one month, and it's, it's like when we go to social 11, and she's showing up with belly and saying that, you know, she's not drinking because she's pregnant, nobody questions it, and I, with some clients of mine, I don't know what you think, but we have been using, like, because obviously we have been talking about these different kind of strategies, and, and what I found out the best strategy is for this, like, how I remember one of my clients, he said that she's obviously she was a little bit older, older woman, so using that pregnancy card didn't work, or it wouldn't be any more possible, but but she said that she's having antibiotics or medication that she can drink, and then it's like people are not questioning anymore, still really sorry to hear, or or then people are understanding, or if you like, usually often also what people are really like. You mentioned having focusing on health, but if you, what I, what we have used a lot is that you know you are doing some, it could be by January or 30 day challenge without alcohol, and usually often that kind of challenges people are accepting, oh, nice, you are doing it, cool, tell me more about it, and they then they are not questioning it anymore. If you, if you are someone who have been always drinking, and then you say that you know you drink alcohol-free beer, or or some alcohol-free cocktail, and you said, "What is wrong with you? You are so boring, or whatever comments you might get, but if you have kind of answer in a place, what you are going to use that, what is the reason you are not, because people are going to ask, that is like you said, it's planning ahead, preparing yourself for those situations. I think that is very, very helpful.

Unknown: 44:24

Yeah,

Turo Virta: 44:26

so then what? Because obviously, if someone is trying to quit alcohol, there is going to happen for most people is it's not going like planned, and you will drink at some point more than you planned. So, what should someone do after a night where they drank more than they planned?

Unknown: 44:56

Well, this is a big part of my work, actually, because you know, little slips, lapses - we say a lapse is not a collapse in this situation, it's normal, you know, nobody's perfect. It's a bit like if you're on kind of a nutrition plan and you have a night where you kind of splurge and eat more than you, you plan to, you know, you don't throw the baby out with the bath water, you think, right? Well, why did this happen? What was it? What were the circumstances that led to this over drinking episode, and more importantly, what can I do differently next time, and these situations often throw up a lot of interesting data, so you know, you might be often people hit a really stressful patch at work, and it's a way that they kind of, you know, switch off from work and. It's a pattern, you know. I used to do that, you know, I'd have like some really important deadlines or whatever, and then at the end I just kind of blow off some steam by just drinking too much, and I realized that that was an unhealthy pattern, so I think that you know when we take the learning from the experience, it will make us stronger. So, lapses aren't in themselves a bad thing, although they feel bad at the time, they are actually a normal part of the behavior change process.

Turo Virta: 46:37

So, why, why is it so important to not to turn one heavy night into shame, because it's often, you know, we feel killed, we will feel shame when it happened, but why is it so important to not turn into that mode.

Unknown: 47:01

Yeah, so this is something that I work with on clients, and this is a chapter in my book as well, on lapses - is that they can happen, but then what we have to do is just draw a line under it, you know, because we don't want to lapse to turn into a relapse, which is a return to old behaviors. So it's important that if we have kind of a toolkit of things that work for us, so we go into kind of self-care mode after that point, so looking after ourselves, you know, hydrating a lot, eating really well, just relaxing, and kind of treating ourselves very well to kind of get over this period, and also looking at why it happened, like I said, drawing a line under it, and then I think what I found very helpful, personally, is taking a break from alcohol. Then you know, in moderation management, which is a large organization that deals with this as well, they call it taking a 30, and that's like a break to, you know, get your wits about you, work out why it happened, dust yourself off, and kind of then come back stronger when you're feeling better. So, yeah,

Turo Virta: 48:27

so if someone who is listening now and want to drink less this week, what are three simple steps they could try now.

Unknown: 48:40

Yeah, so I think the first one would be to write down their why. So, why is it really important for them to cut down, to put down their motivation, their compelling reasons for cutting down. Then the second thing to do would be to begin to chart how much they're drinking, so they're getting more of an awareness, and when we get an awareness of how much we're drinking, that's when we can, that in and of itself will cut, cut down, so having, having, having some kind of awareness of what they're drinking and monitoring it, and then the third thing would be to listen to a hypnotherapy recording as well, because there's lots fine on YouTube, and they're all set up for this, for transforming people's lives and feeling much better.

Turo Virta: 49:41

Wow, those are very, very good tools and steps you could take right now. So, how can people plan their drinking before the evening starts, like we talked about it a little bit earlier, but I want to give now, in the end, so some practical tools. So,

Unknown: 50:03

okay, so I think have a plan. So, for example, if you normally drink at six, drink till you know, don't start until seven, you know. Set up your night to support the changes you want to create. Plan what you're going to eat. Make sure you're hydrated as well. This is a big one, so make sure you've had plenty of water, and have a snack when you start to have a drink as well, so that the alcohol doesn't hit your stomach too quickly. Just only buy what you plan to drink, so like I said before, you know, small bottles of wine, you know, two tiny bottles could be per. Effect, rather than having that large bottle in the fridge, and then when that is over, then switch to something else. Decide in your mind when is the full stop, the full stop to drinking, so that it doesn't go on in the evening, because moderate drinkers, they drink for a short period of time, you know, because really, you don't, you're not going to be drinking for hours and hours, it's going to be, you know, a few number of drinks are the most enjoyable as well.

Turo Virta: 51:29

And what are then some better ways to sweets off after a long day?

Unknown: 51:38

Well, I think going for a walk outside in nature, doing some exercise, meditation, being with family and friends, having some time to do something enjoyable for you, just so that you have a break, so that there's, you know, there's a buffer there, so it's not like from one stressful situation to home, you know, you know, put in some, some breaks there for you, and really look after you,

Turo Virta: 52:16

and how does then a realistic alcohol-free day look like for someone who usually drinks most evenings,

Unknown: 52:28

um, well, when people are incorporating alcohol-free days, I always say again, have a plan of something nice to do, you know, so maybe go to the cinema, or you know, have a massage, or plan a nice dinner, you know, just it's all about the planning, and again, listen to a hypnotherapy recording about alcohol-free days, so that you can be reminded why you're doing this, and also play it forward. Think about how amazing you're going to feel the next day. Oh

Turo Virta: 53:06

yeah, this, and this is, by the way, for me, this is very similar to emotional eating. So, as many people think they need more discipline, but often they need to understand what the, what the behavior is doing for them, and for if it's food, alcohol, scrolling, even skipping workouts, often those things are not just random, they are ways to manage stress, tiredness, or discomfort. So, before we close this episode, I have a couple questions for you. So, what is one thing you wish everyone understood about drinking less?

Unknown: 53:50

That is absolutely possible, you know, for people to cut down and feel so much better. They shouldn't feel alone. There's nothing to feel ashamed about, you know. There's lots of people in this situation that drink a bit more, and they want to cut down, and they absolutely can. They should feel excited about the opportunity to improve their lives, and know that I'm here, I've done it, I've changed my life and so many other 1000s of people have that I've worked with. So, if they want to invest in themselves, then you know the skills and the expertise are there to support them.

Turo Virta: 54:33

So, where can people learn more about you, your book, and your work. What are the best places to find you?

Unknown: 54:42

So, my book, 10 Steps to Drink Less and Live Well, is on Amazon. Also, I've got a course coming out as well in the next couple of months for people that want to learn about it in a different way, and I've got YouTube, which is just Tansy Forest, and then Tansy forest.com is my website as well.

Turo Virta: 55:10

Awesome, I will put all those links also into show notes, so you can check them from my soul notes, and thank you so much, Tenzi. I really, really loved this conversation, and, and definitely learned a lot from you. So, thank you so much for taking your valuable time coming to my show.

Unknown: 55:32

Thank you, it's been great, great. Thank.