Foreign Hey and welcome back to Fit Me, Turo fitness podcast, I'm your host. Turo Virta, emotional eating and strength coach, helping women over 35 break free from all or nothing, cycle, build sustainable fitness habits and feel confident. Today, we are talking about something I see all the time with my clients, using exercise as punishment. So what it means? Punishing yourself what you ate yesterday, punishing yourself for missing a workout last week, punishing yourself because the scale didn't move. And I want to show you how to flip that script to move from punishment to power. So exercise becomes something you actually look forward to, not something you read. So let's be honest. So most of us were told that exercise is a way to burn calories, so a way to make up for food, a way how to earn your food, a way to fix what we don't like about our bodies. And if you have ever said to yourself, I need to work of this pizza, or I have to do extra cardio because I missed yesterday, or if you say that I need to earn my calories so I can eat later more, you are not alone, because this is a mindset that comes from diet culture and decades of fitness marketing that equates worth with weight loss. But here is the problem, when exercise is punishment, it's tied to guilt and shame and and guilt is a terrible long term motivator, and that is something what what I see like that when you when I talk with the people, and it's, it's that punishment of feeling guilt about food and exercise that relationship. It's very, very toxic. And if you think that, where is this all coming from, like us, most of the people think that you can't just only with the diet. It's not going to work. You need to exercise. What most people are focusing on is that, that, what comes to mind is that I have to go for a run, I have to do some cardio. I need to burn more calories so I can lose fat, I can lose weight, and that is where, often we start to make those bad decisions. And I tell it already now we go deeper in this topic later in this podcast, but focusing on your burning calories, it's the worst long term strategy for weight loss. So but before going into that, I want to talk what actually happens when exercise is punishment. So when you see your workouts as punishment punishment, you will fall into this cycle so you are overeating, or you are skipping a workout after that, obviously you feel guilty, and what you what you are going to do when you feel guilty, you are most likely going to do an extreme workout to make up for it. So you are, you are thinking that now, I, I was overeating, I I wasn't good and or I was bad, so I need to punish myself. You are what is? What is happening when you are starting to do this, extreme workouts, like going for a run? If you have a overweight you have never been running. Maybe you are not even able to run, but you think that some somewhere, you have seen that running is a great, great way to do it, and you go for run, or you do some other extreme workouts, which obviously you will feel exhausted after if you are able to do it. And most likely, in the beginning you are still able to do it. But what happens? You are going to burn out, you are going to get injured. And that is not only matter of if it's matter of time, and sooner than not, you will start to recognize that, Oh, I thought that I need to be running to be able to lose weight. In the beginning, when you have that motivation, you are maybe able to do these things or do some extreme workouts, but at some point, sooner or sooner, often, sooner than later, that you will start to feel like that. Oh, this is I start to feel a little bit pain. There a case or I it's not good for my knees. It's not good for my angles. I really don't enjoy doing it, or maybe you even enjoy it in the beginning, but what often it's leading then you are stopping exercising altogether, and the guilt comes back. And often that guilt comes back even stronger. So that is that all or nothing trap I talk about so often, and here is the kicker, exercise as punishment doesn't just hurt your consistency, it makes you miss out on all other benefit benefits of movement, Like better mood, better sleep, stronger bones and improved metabolism. So this is these are just consequences when you use exercise as a punishment. So now I want to offer you just a different approach and just shifting your mindset, shifting the goal from getting from smaller to stronger. And this was the full episode, what I recorded recently and and if you want to learn more about this mindset shift, check out my episode. It's it's called strong, not smaller, redefining fitness goals for women over 40. So it's, it's in that episode, and today I go little bit back on that topic. And it's a, it's a, one of the most powerful mindset, mindset shifts I see with women over 40. It is, and it is the sentence what you need to repeat for your cell phone or ask from yourself that, what if I exercise to get stronger, not smaller? So when you focus on strength, doing, for example, your first ever real push up, getting your first real pull up, which is already very, very challenging, or lifting a weight you could never thought you could, for example, in exercises like squats, bench press, dead lift, and you start to celebrating what your body can actually do instead of punishing punishing it for how it looks, and these mindset shifts build confidence and consistency, because you are no longer chasing a number on the scale, you are chasing a feeling of power and strength. So this is, this is one of the biggest mindset shifts you can do and and in this episode where I talk, you can find several strategies, how to actually implement it, how to actually start doing it. So make sure, if you feel like that. You have been working out just for punishment, how your body is looking or or as you as a goal? Do you have some certain amount of weight? You want to look smaller? You want to look thinner? You want to chase that number on the scale? So this episode is full of example, practical strategies, what you can start implementing today. So then what I what is, because I know that this is, this is not easy task to do, but it's step by step approach, and it all starts with healing your relationship with exercise. So the question is that often what I hear is that, how do we heal this relationship? So how do I real my relationship with exercise? Because if you are someone who is struggling with this exercise, that exercise is only, or almost only, used by as a tool for weight loss, as a tool for getting smaller, as a tool from becoming out from that, or changing the body what you don't like. And here are five steps I give to my clients. And number one is stop using exercise to earn or burn food so you don't need to earn your meals. You don't need to burn off last night's desert. You don't need to burn off all calories you went over on the last couple days. So food is food full and soy, not the dip you pay with cardio and and you can it's a great mantra. What I love to use is that if you tell to yourself that I move my body because it it deserves care, not because it needs punishment. And this mantra has helped so many women to come from this kind of earning or burning food as a punishment. And it's, it's, it might be game changer. It won't happen overnight, but more often, you start to repeat this phrase, I move my body because it deserves care, not because it needs punishment better you will be and step by step, you start to recognize that, oh, I actually don't need this punishment. Or I don't need to earn my food. I don't need to burn my food, because this is often what I hear, especially from women who are a little bit older, that you think that I would like to I need to give myself little bit knee time. What I deserve. You have been maybe, in your own words, you have been good whole week. Then it comes weekend, and you are thinking that now, if I go for a walk, I do some exercise, then I can earn my own time, my me time. It could be watching Tiktok and eating some food, having some couple glasses of wine and that have that's part of your life. It's part of joy, but it's you do not need to earn it or burn it after so that is, that is the biggest game changer, mentally, what you can do, and often how I how I do it like that. This is often like now, if you are using some kind of food app or or tracking app, it always adds those calories, what you are actually earning during the exercise. I I tell all to my clients in the beginning that please remove all those burned calories that for a couple of reasons, because, number one, they are very inaccurate. So there are actually recent studies that saw that, on average, they are overestimating with 50 pros. And so if you think that you were doing some great 30 minute, 45 minute workout, and you burned 400 500 calories during this exercise, the honest truth is that it most likely it is half from that amount. So it's not going to be and if you now go back and you think that now I can, I can eat 500 calories more, but when the reality is that you might have burned 250 calories and you eat 500 that might be the reason why the scale is not moving as quickly as you would like, or or you are not seeing results what you would like to see. So just don't take it. Think it like that. Food is not something what you need to earn with exercise. Exercise is just a way to get stronger, improve your endurance, improve your mental health. For so many reasons why you exercise, just burning calories is not one of them, but and once you start to shift this focus away from burning calories, instead of focusing on getting stronger, improving your endurance, improving your resting heartbeat, those kind of goals, then you start to find those shifts also in your mindset. So and then step number two is that redefine what counts as an exercise. So your only definition of exercise is a 60 minute intense workout, you will consistently feel like you are failing. So shift your definition. A 10 minute walk counts playing with your kids kids, counts doing paddy weight squats while waiting, waiting in in a line or or waiting in a in a parking, parking spot, it all counts. So movement doesn't have to be extreme to be effective. So that is, that is often like that. What I say that it's, it's just those decisions in what you are making. Some of them you make without thinking like that, and some of them you have to really think that. Okay. Now I need willpower, and often if you rely on this willpower trick that I need to exercise, that I need to get I need to change my workout clothes. I need to do 60 minute intense workout. Or if I don't have it, I'm not, it's not worth it doing anything, and this is one of the biggest mental shifts you can do, is that aiming for only to get started, and thinking that to be able to have an exercise I don't even need to change my workout clothes. I need to. What can I do right now, at this moment, and things like going for 10 minute walk, for example, before or after your lunch, getting into workout clothes, getting into your workout space, getting started, and then after that you can you can always say, Okay, I did the best possible thing I can do today, and you feel proud of yourself. You feel like that, okay, I have done it and achieve those goals that I don't need to get 60 minute, instant intense workout, that it counts. But you start to think like that, I aim to make better and smarter decisions several times a day or or even if it's a once in a day. It, of course, it depends on your situation, how high your priorities. But for example, for me, I don't want that you compare yourself with my team, but I am. I'm ashamed to commit that as a fitness professional, who is that is my full time job to help people. And of course, I want to preach, also what I teach, but it's not, for example, strength training is not something that I enjoy naturally, but they still like that. I set my goals in a way that they are possible to do even in my worst weeks. So for example, my goal is to get my strength training started two to three times per week, depending on week. But I decided always week before, like usually it's on Sunday, I look my schedule for the next week, and I decided how many times I'm going to get started my workouts. If it's a it's minimum two times, and maybe good weeks, it's going to be three or four times per week, but never more. And the only goal what I make, and only rule what I made to myself that I need to change my workout clothes. I need to get to my garage gym where I do my workouts, and I do one exercise, and once I'm done with the one exercise, I give myself permission that that's it. I'm done for today. I need five, maybe 10 minutes, or if I feel tired, I said that I don't I talk myself. Of course, I earlier, I used to talk myself out of it all the time, but now I plug it in my calendar. I get myself into the gym. I don't ask if I'm motivated or not. I don't ask myself if I'm tired or not. It's all about discipline. I get there, and then I decided, Okay, today I'm actually feeling tired. I just do some mobility, stretching, palm, rolling that kind of stuff. And I call it for a day, and then on a days, but more often than not, when I realized, like a good example, was this week. I was on Monday, was my workout day. We were I was hiking. On Sunday, my legs were I was so sore, I could barely not even walk. And my initial thought was, no today, I need a rest. But then I was thinking like that, what is the worst advice I would what I would tell to my client who decided you have a workout day. Of course, you can. I would say that, you know, rest is okay, you need a rest. Also, it's okay to have a rest day. But for myself, I said that, okay, I need a rest. I don't need an intense workout. But I promised for myself to get started. And then I thought that, what can I do today? What is the decision I'm going to make? I still went to the gym. I started with the chest mobility, stuff, what actually helps improving. I did some foam rolling, and I started to realize that, okay, now I don't feel actually that sore anymore. I feel so much better already. It helps my recovery. Instead of being three days sore, I might be only one day So, or two days. And so it helps, first of all, to recover faster when you keep moving. And then I was thinking, Okay, actually my upper body, it's not that hard, or it's not that sore, so I can, I can do something for my upper body. So then I added some upper body strength, mobility exercises. So it was I, and in the end, I got 40 minute workout in which was mostly foam rolling, mobility stuff, what I usually would skip, because that is just my old stupid mindset. What I it's not stupid, it's it's even it's an important thing, but it's also for myself, I struggle to do these things. What I know that I would need to be doing, but it says that I'm not. I haven't been very good at implementing it, but now I know that this is the perfect opportunity to do actually those things, what I would rather skip than actually plan to do. So this is what you can count as an exercise. And the exercise don't need to be always intense. It can be something so you can always there's always something you can do. And this applies not only for exercise, but only for dieting. It could be if you think that you want to do you have your me time planned in your calendar. If it's not a workout, use that time for planning your foods, creating so blitz soap lists, looking new receipts, drinking water, or planning your water intake, how you are going to actually do it. So there are so many ways how you can actually implement it. And then tip number three and step number three is to focus on how you want to feel, not just how you look. So ask yourself these questions, do I want more energy? Do I want less joint pain? Do I want to be able to hike without stopping? And when you train for feelings, energy, confidence, independence, you stick with it longer. So what is? What is if you think, if I think, how I have implement this like that. This is my, my main goal. What is what is my goal? I want to I don't want to have a pain. I want to be able to move pain free. And for that, I know that I need to do consistently, my mobility training, my stretching and foam rolling and how I do it, even I, like I said earlier, I struggle to actually implement full workouts of mobility. But how I implement it, I do it as part of my warm up, part of my cool down, and it's mobility is not something what I what I plan to do, that I do only mobility workout like most of the weeks, but I implement these things into my workout routines, what I'm already doing. And if I want to, if I have a goal that I don't want to be stopping when I hike, then I that is, like, so important to have kind of this end goal in your mind, and then think like, how I can actually implement it in my workouts, and why this is important for me. So when, when you start to focus on those feelings that I want to feel, more confidence, more energy, more independence, though, that I don't need to be like for me, seeing my dad getting seriously sick and ill at age of 60, that was like the biggest motivator for me. I said I'm going to do everything I can in my power that I can say that i i have done everything I put that I don't need to be someone who is just laying in a in a bed not able to do, perform things like walk, eating yourself and be independent. And that is that pain is greater than pain actually what what it takes to work out. So, so this is when that pain or fear is greater than pain of pain of actually doing that workout, you have a good chance for success. And that is that is very, very important if you think that how why you are working out, focus on your feelings, not just how you look. Then step number four is a build strength foundation. So strength training is your best friend after 40. It helps maintaining muscle, protects bone density, supports metabolism and makes everyday life easier. So if you are, if you are not already doing some kind of strength or resistance training. Start in a simple way, two to three full body workouts per week, focusing on compound movements, like squats, deadlifts, rows, some kind of push movements, and aim for progressive overload. It means that gradually increasing weights or reps over time, so you don't need hours in the gym. You just need consistency and intention. And step number five, which is not the least, even it's the last, is that try to remove that all or nothing mentality. Missing one workout doesn't erase your progress. Missing one week of workouts doesn't erase your progress. Missing one month of workouts doesn't erase your progress. Eating a dessert doesn't ruin anything. Consistency beats perfection every single time. And some mantra, what I want you to remember, think it most days, not every day. And once you start to shift this mindset, shift thinking it's I'm aiming for most days, it doesn't matter like it's not going to be every day, because those days when we miss, they happen to everyone. But if you set your goals, it's going to be weekly, monthly calls, whatever. But do not start to miss, keep promises. That is the biggest mindset shift, what I made to myself, because we are very good at talking ourselves out of doing something what you naturally don't enjoy, and myself included, I, in the past, I was talking myself out of because of busyness of work or life in general, that this week, it's just impossible. But soon as I started to change this mindset and change change my own expectations. Like I said, I decided one week before, on Sunday evening, usually for the next week calls and the goals are not anymore to get full workout in. The only goal is to get started and those kind of shifts, if it's going to be a few times, if it's going to be three times, but just doing keeping promises, what you actually make to yourself, that is the biggest mindset shift. And if you feel like that, you can't keep promises, what you make to yourself that you are able to keep them, then it's time to lower your own expectations. And because where you get that confidence? You get the confidence when you are actually keeping the words, keeping the promises you make to yourself. And it's not about amounts, that those amounts what you should be doing, they are only in your head. So when you when you move from this punishment to power. You unlock so much more than physical strength. You start to enjoy your workouts more. You stop fearing food and exercise rules. You stay consistent, even like when life gets busy and you build confidence that spills into every area in your life, and this is what sustainable fitness looks like. So if you have been stuck in the cycle of killed, driven workouts, I hope this episode give you gives you permission to pause, reset and start fresh. Ask yourself, what would it look like to treat exercise as a gift, not a punishment? Because when you train for strength, energy and health, not punishment, you finally break free of the all or nothing cycle. So if this episode resonates with you, I would love to hear from you. Tag me on Instagram at personal trainer underline Turo or libre review to help other women find the podcast. And if you're ready to rewrite your fitness story and build sustainable plan, check out my coaching options at personal trainer turo.com and thank you for listening and remember you are not behind you accessed getting started.