Hey, welcome to fit me Turo fitness podcast today's episode, I'm talking reframing self negative talk. So this is kind of topic I recently. I have talked with several of my one on one clients this week, and I we were talking so much about the power of self talk and how most of us our we are ourselves own biggest enemies, and this is something that I used to struggle to and are or I'm still struggling, but it have improved a lot recently, as I used to compare myself in in a social media with some other, maybe fitness coaches or who I was looking Up to, and I was thinking that, how they can do this and do that, and I'm only here, and why I'm not able to do these things when everybody else it seems so effortlessly. And and then obviously, I told myself that I can't do it, and there's something wrong with me that I can't do it. And now, when I look back, and I think that if I look now, where my business is going, how my own health and how is my relationship with my wife or or everything, how it have improved, and where I am at the moment, I kind of say that I'm I'm damn happy where I am at the moment. Obviously it could be a lot better, but it could be so much worse, because there is many, many aspects in life what you should think about and and something like I I listen to other podcasts. Can remember where I heard it was a while ago, but anyway, somebody conversation where, where somebody said that, you know, you have to think that, if you are imagined, that you are in your own funeral, and what people are telling and this really hit me home. Like, it really hit hard, like, and when you say it like we I used to think always, and I started to think that, you know, I have some certain amount of money or success or something, what you set your goals, where you should be. And because this is when I started as a fitness coach, money was kind of it was never that important. Like, of course, it matters, but it was never the reason why I started to become fitness coach. Because if I I, if I thought that, if I think that, if I would like to make the most amount of money, I wouldn't be doing what I do at the moment, but if I think that fitness really just wanted to help people and offer some kind of sustainable ways To feel little bit better to improve their health, getting out of that mindset, what so many people have. And I still It hurts my heart when I hear somebody saying like that, they are searching some solution, what is actually going to work or is going to fix everything, like people are starving themselves, themselves with the diet, and then they are going to, like, some kind of detoxes or or starvation diets and, and because they have that number in their head and they are trying to read something, what is literally, it's set for failure already from the beginning. And when I see that and I hear that, it really makes but obviously I know that now that all I can say is, and if I would just think money, and for those people who are selling that kind of quick fixes or or anything, I'm just thinking like that. In the beginning of my career, I was thinking too that, you know, it would be easy to make some like, search go really deep into your emotions and start to share some quick fixes. As majority of people are looking for some quick fixes and and I there is a like, you have some struggle in your head and you want to solve it. There is like, if you think that there is a two fitness influencers are promising that, you know, I'm a coach who gives you the results for in a two weeks or in a month, and other one is saying that this takes six to 12 months. What you are going to choose. 90% of people are choosing that quick fix, and as why to make it so much longer, if you can reach the same results a bit faster and and that was something like I when I listen to podcast, I was thinking that this is such a good comparison, like if you think that what people are telling in your funeral and when, when you are thinking like that, you know you might have that piece of for women. It might be some dress men, or maybe little bit different in this case, but if I think that most of the women, at least those who I have worked with, they have their some piece of clothes, like a dress or a pair of jeans that they have fit in at some point of their life, and then they think that at The time they are, they were feeling so great, and now they want to fit into those old bands or or or dress one more time, because they felt so great. And now that is kind of goal. What do you want to get? But trust me, that those are, those are kind of things that nobody cares. Nobody really cares, like, or have you ever heard that somebody saying in funeral that, look at that Sarah, but she looked amazing in her 50th birthday or, or when she was wearing that dress, or those that pair of jeans, that this kind of body dysmorphia and and I guess that we are all at least those who are in some fitness. They are involved in fitness. They are at least some part of guilt of that. Because I, I, I gotta say that I was there too, like when I was a younger there was some picture or some like, when I was in my 20s or or even younger, there was no Instagram or Facebook was there, but There was not too much about before after, but you saw somewhere pictures of of trained athletes. And I was like that this is what I would like to become, too. And I was thinking that this is something, what I want to achieve and and then I was thinking that I just need more discipline. I just need more willpower to do it. And now, when I'm kind of, when I'm coaching for living, I'm thinking that how bad ways that to do like literally nobody cares. Nobody cares about people are way too busy with themselves how they are looking and seeing themselves in the in in you are, you have little bit more body fat, or, or, or you have some app Your belly is, belly is rolling little bit out of your genes. They don't care. Or if you are in vacation, you know you are more worried about yourself than you look and compare or See, look at look at that. Look at that. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. That's the honest truth, that people really don't care. They are too worried about themselves and and if you think, in in your funeral, what people are telling like they are not telling that, oh, look at that. He had a 200 kilo bench press, or, or, or looked amazing at that picture. But instead they what they will say is that this, this one look at Turo. Turo was, he was such a helpful, such a great role model, or or look at he was, she was just a great example how to prevent your or how to show up for your family. How much he was able, she was able to help other people. So those are the things like that. He was just such a friendly person. That kind of things people are telling at your funeral, they are that they don't tell the way how you were looking or how you were doing. Instead, they tell things about you, what you were able to do, what you are doing, and and this is, this was, that's a great moment for me when I when I was listening, I was thinking that this is so well said that if you, if you really think It would actually matters and in life, and that's as this is even, even it would mean that i i make little bit less money from my business. Point that, you know, I'm doing pretty damn well if I if I think that where I like, of course, there are always people who are doing lot better, or who are lot more successful, or depending like, how you measure your success, because maybe, maybe, then you have, you might, because you don't know. You never know what is behind. But more, more you, more kind of, I think about it, what is actually important in life, more I am happy, because in the end, like, obviously, some kind of finance freedom, it, it's it. It helps in many things. But it's not for me, it's not measure of success. So measure of success for me, it's it's literally like, okay, finances, if I think that, what matters for me is that you know you have all kind of your you live, you have ability to buy food, you need, kind of everything you want. But I have never been a guy like that who want to have like it. You know, you have a you have so much. You have the new car or something. And what people love to show in a social media so that's that have never been kind of even my goal. And now when I even it's it's tempting, it's tempting for me to to go to that like and see some other people doing better, and you start to like even you don't mean it, but you still compare yourself, and you have to consistently that feeling that you want to have something more, and you are basically never happy. And there is, there is also something like, what is really, really hard, at least for me, to understand that actually how everything is at the moment, it's, it's pretty well, because I I can, you can get and achieve lot more, but if you are, if you never learn to be happy what you have At the moment, you will honestly, I believe that you will never be happy, truly happy in your life. So I'm that's definitely, for me, something, what I what I need to talk and need to consider myself, and I think that it's, it's one of the most important things, what you can do. And I think that that's always starts with the self talk. So that self talk like that, if I if I think how I talk to myself, I used to have always tell phrases that like to tell myself that I can't, I'm not good enough, or or history, that then there are those moments of doubts. So when I start to say, like it was, especially for me, in the in the workouts, that when I, when I said that, oh, I can't work out. I think that for me, it was coming from my background, from being professional athlete, I talked to myself that, you know, if I I had some number in my head that it have to be three or four or five workouts per week, or if it's if I'm not able to do it. It's not even kind of worth of it. And I see it with the many athletes that they they don't, they don't, if you can, if you have only 15 minutes, you don't even do it, because it's not kind of worth of it. Or when I started to post in social media, I was like that, Oh, those are it looks so natural and everything. And I'm not good enough. I'm not I don't know enough. Like, in the beginning, like, that's funny how those things are. When I was a younger coach, I first it was like that, holy shit, I don't know anything. I don't know enough. And then then I somehow just stepped over that line and said that, okay, I do what I can. And but then it was like that, okay, now? Then I thought that, okay. Now I know everything. And now I know how everything is working. This is like that you get gain the confidence that now I know what I'm talking about, and then you kind of learn more, and then you are like that holistic. I still don't know anything, or there is so many new things that I was so wrong when I thought that everything I knew what I was talking and now I'm like, oh, there is another perspective for this point. So it's and it leads that I'm telling myself that I could enough that I'm not then it's better to not do anything or not even talk about it. I don't have some doctorate or doctor University of these topics, what I'm talking about and or then the same was like that. You know, I don't have enough time to make perfect video or whatever. So there's always something how we are talking, and it's, it's it often like what I see, when I see and talk with, with the coaches I have had in the past, and I still work with some of them. So when, when you, when you think that what is holding you back, and what is why the most people are not seeing the success or progress, what they would like to see is that they never actually get started. So there's, it's holding us back. And I'm definitely guilty of it, and I am still, I still struggle with that, that kind of perfection, that, if it's not, because if I, if I take something like with the with the workouts, I that that was something, what, what we talk with, the many people like that. You have that number in your mind that, let's say that it would be three workouts per week. And if, for some reason, I can do only two of them. I'm not happy about doing those two workouts, but I'm more more angry with myself that I haven't I didn't do the third one, and that is kind of something, some mindset and and how it's impacting to your overall health, fitness and personal growth. So, so this is something, and that's why. Now, what I when I think that, because I know myself, and I bet you, if you are listening this, you know yourself better than nobody else, if you are more worried about one to set your expectations. Like, that's for me too. Like, now we are beginning of February when I'm recording this, and I think I look my schedule for February, I know that it's going to be a busy month. Past months were busy, so I'm not even aiming for that three times what I think, for some reason, that would be kind of good spot for me to or ideal amount of exercise. And now I think that, okay, it's not going to be realistic, so I'm going to practice, take a call to practice two times per week. And also those goals, I adjust week by week, as I know how my schedule is going to look for the next week. So it could be the next week I aim for one workout because I know that two is already going to be too much so that it's something, that it's doable, but it doesn't. And in this way, I feel so much better about myself. I keep promises what I make to myself, because I believe that that is the kind of key for becoming more consistent. And consistency, it's a lot better than perfection, because that is what hurts my heart still that somebody saying that, you know, if I can work out only once in a week, it's not even worth of it to do it because it doesn't bring any results. And that is so wrong. And there is such a great examples. Because I, for people who I talk with, they are thinking like that, how, how I can, how that it's not the you know or or you have a it's easy to talk yourself out of it, doing, doing like, especially here in Italy, that's usually in a summer time. What I have seen a trend that people, you know, I go outside, I don't enjoy it's, it's it's never going to be you talk yourself out of doing like things you know that you should be doing like I remember in the past, I had a couple of clients who said that in a summer, you know, they go for and they like outdoor activities. They don't, they don't have so much time to do strength training or or something, and then, you know, they come in September against now, this was the last summer that I didn't take some course or or something to stay consistent, because it was like, usually the pattern goes like this, that you you are staying consistent, maybe for a couple of weeks. And then for some reason, you have to skip for a week. You don't have, you haven't planned it, you don't have appointment where to go. And then you start to skip those workouts. And week after that one week, you had to, initially you, for some reason, you vision was you didn't work out, then the next week comes, and the same thing, it's so much easier to talk ourself out of doing those things, what you initially Know that you should be doing. So that's, that's something. What is, it happens every summer and I'm, I'm, I'm always like that. No, please, please, do yourself a favor. Aim for something little bit less, even it's not the perfect number. But go, Go For go out of your kind of comfort zone, and don't talk yourself out of doing those things. What you know you do you need to do because consistency, if you it's so much easier to start access to your efforts to, at some point, something more than instead of trying to hit that perfect number all the time. And because, if you or start over, because starting over is always hard, and I would find always excuses for myself to postpone that start. It's going to be next week, next month, then it's going to be the same. Pattern continues, and then soon as you realize, or what I have, what I did in the past was then months were months past, and I ended up doing basically nothing. So now, when I think that what really changed everything is that even it's a literally 50 minutes per week, some verb, what you know you need to do. It's so much easier to start at more and then going forward two times for 15 minutes or 30 minutes, whatever. So it's so much harder. And that is for self talk. It's it's i Yesterday I talked with one of my clients, bet, I bet was in my podcast. Also, it she's just a great example of that struggles with that negative thought, like how she used to like it's now bit over here, that we have worked together and when, when you think that she's, of course, she's still not there where she thinks that she should be. But how much she have improved, that's just incredible change. And I'm so proud of her. And when we talk, she realized that she didn't feel like that way in the in, in the beginning of our conversation, but then longer we talked, she understood that actually, she have made so much progress with this negative self, self talk, and with overall fitness, and basically with everything, and how she was talking to herself, was that I can do it, or I have failed, I'm not making enough progress. And this is, like, those are very common, like, if you think that it's it's going slow, like other play and Sana was sending me, because I always tell like, this is the way how you get out of this is to measure your progress in some other ways than just taking scale weight or something, because you always think that it's too slow, it's not going to be fast enough. And now, when you at some point like, I remember Virta, we started to work like, that's two months ago now, and now she's she have done basically everything I have asked, worked out the amount of workouts, like two, three times per week, what she felt that it's realistically possible, and she literally brought that it's And now, when I sent her her pictures from two months ago, comparing for today, she was like that. The Holy shit would have just happened like that. She never thought that she have made because you see visible results. Obviously, scale is not what she thought it would be, but that's the way, like when you have more kind of more data, what you are tracking, more ways to measure your progress than just the scale, because or or Miro, like I talked a couple weeks ago, two weeks ago, in a podcast, that Miro and and scale are the worst ways to measure your fitness progress, and because those are always something, would most people feel like that? They are too slow. But if you take those pictures, compare themselves, like in sunless case, then you get that holistic, that feeling that, oh, I have actually done something in motivation to keep going, to know and trust the process, and because in this fitness, like with the bit you there is no really finish line. It's not, it's not, there is not going to be. You might have that goal in your mind that you kind of fit into that dress or cheese or or number on the scale, but it's not, it's not going to be. I, I have worked with so many people who have said that there is some scale weight, the number, where they have to be. And then you think that once I reach that I can finally stop, but there is no finish line. There is no hurry to reach that goal. Because whatever those goals are, those are great goals have to have. But how long, if you think that, how long you will be happy when you reach that goal, you have some coal. You are like, like, I remember I had 120 kilos in my pins press. And when you, when I, when I hit that, I think I was 20 years old or or in around in that age, and when I hit that goal, I still remember at the gym, like I was, like, I didn't believe that I hit it. That was a big goal. I worked really hard on it, and once I I hit that goal, 120 kilos in bench press, how long I was happy that was like, it took, like, maybe five seconds or maybe minute or one day. Can't remember, but it was a very short time. And then I was like, Okay, what is next? So those goals, it never you have to have like, kind of other goals or other ways to think about it, because it's, it's never, you will never be happy enough or or happy for the rest of your life. Goal what you have in the beginning. So in this fitness and health journey, there is no finish line. It's, it's never going to be, almost never going to be as fast as you would like, but there and there is no hurry, because I haven't worked. I have been doing this for 10 years now being fitness coach, but I have never met a person who is telling that, oh, I reached my goal, but it took way too long. No, because every person who reads their goal, what whatever goal they have had, and they don't say that, Oh, it took way too long. And I'm not I'm not happy, but they are, instead, they are like that, holy shit. I'm so proud of myself. I reached my goal finally, and it doesn't matter how long it takes. So because it's if you know that you are making progress, you're moving forward, you're improving some ways of your past. You I always worry there is no finish line, and just repeating these things when you have that, those self doubts and talking yourself so if you find yourself comparing yourself with somebody else, if it's from your some family member, some somebody from social media, so it's just those external ways to and outcomes, please try to reduce that as much as you can and and they changing like for bed, changing her inner voice and that negative voice, despite she's having those emotional struggles, what There is always happening. It's not going to be the I see when you are facing those emotional struggles, but when you shift that focus, that when you start to say that I can't do it, or I have failed to change that thing that, instead of telling yourself that I can't, say that, okay, what? What you can't if you tell yourself I can't work out three times per week, or I have failed to work out three times per week, this is an easy example, how to why, to why? Why not to change that. Okay, I can't work about three times a week. Can I work about two times a week? And what makes me actually feel better? So rephrase, rephrasing those things and telling that, telling that what you can and focus on those. And worse, there is, I'm sure even most people, they feel that they have failed in everything. There is nothing, but always something where you have done it and kind of this talk that you know, there is some areas in your life, what you have improved. It's just for most of us, we are talking talking. That's negative self talk. It's, it's, there are several studies that it's like, I think, if I don't remember now wrong, it's like 80% of our self talk is negative, and 20% could be I, I could be wrong with these numbers, but more or less that ratio is there, how much negatively we are talking to ourselves, and that is, that is what is what is changing. One of my favorite stories is through baristone, or I can't remember. Was it that his name was, it doesn't matter. Was a story of running one mile under four minutes. It was a belief that was for long time that it was, I think it was 56 or something like 1956 a long time ago, but it was, there was a belief and studies that it's impossible to release that one minute mile run. And it was like there was nobody who was able to do it. But then once that through Barry stone, or what was his name, I can't remember, but once he he did it first time, within one year, I think there was 37 people reached that goal because, and what was the what? What changed? It was that belief that they can actually do it. So it's just an example. What? How much that belief, if you start to talk, oh, that's possible. I can do it. How much is changing? And it's same thing with basically everything in life. So once you start to believe that it's actually possible, you are doing everything correctly, you just need to kind of find that ways, how you are doing it, if you have that action plan, and if you can reframe that I can't into that I can. That's how it actually start to how everything start to change. So when once you start to believe that I can actually do it, it's it's a it's a shift when everything start to change. So it creates that awareness and and that all starts paying attention what you'd say to yourself when things are getting tough. So once you start to realize that I you talk to yourself that I can't, I will say that. Challenge your thoughts and replace that. Ask yourself if you say that, I it would happen if I tried, so if, if you are, because there is, like many people, we have some kind of fears that, what if? What if? Why I can't. Like, I tell my example, if I tell that my challenge was post videos in the beginning of my career. And then I was like, that I like, I said earlier, I can't. I don't know enough or something. And then I I started to ask questions why I can't. As I'm very bad English is my not my first language. So why should I talk about it? Should I say something? And then I said, why I can't. And of course, I was so nervous that to post some video or record this podcast, and I still struggle with it. It's not. It's this is not coming naturally from me, and that maybe my thoughts are recording. It's not it's not perfect. It's far from perfect. But I still try to, I promise what I made to myself, that I record one podcast per week, if it's not even if nobody's listening it, I promise to do it. And if I, if I try, if this is if I don't do it for 1000s of people. But I'm thinking that if I can help even one person, that's my goal is reached. I don't need anything else. So if you say to yourself that I can't, ask why you can't, and then what would happen if you tried it? And what happened to me when I tried like, obviously in the beginning, like nobody people, five people were watching those. And then at some point, I was like that, some video game went viral. There was over 3 million people watching it. Crazy. 100,000 followers per week. And I was like, holy, this is actually happening. Then I started to get the belief that it's actually possible. So it's aim for you. If you think that there's nothing happening, it's too slow. But then at some point, when you keep trying, you keep doing it, it's out of kind of nowhere. It can happen that, well, I'm, I'm actually able to do this, and then it start to get those positive kind of cycle that, if you start to see that you have measured your progress, for example, with those pictures, and then you see that, wow, there is actually some small changes. I just, I'm capable of making progress, even if it's small or or if you, if you are seeing, seeing that you don't, you don't see enough progress you are. You are telling to yourself that I trust the process, even it doesn't look perfect right now, and thinking like that, shifting those focus into actions. So instead of focusing how fast or how slow your progress is on or how difficult something feels, focus. Try to focus on action. So for example, instead of saying that I can't do this workout, try I will do what I can today. And what is the probably the most important thing is to celebrate your small wins. So this is something, what most people are never doing, like they are like so hard of the upset themselves and never able to actually recognize that that would actually wins you have made, and it's I anything, you write it down or or do something, or look dig deeper, because I'm sure that you will be able to recognize and sell. And also it's it's crucial to celebrate those victories, because the only person used to compare yourself is yourself, because now it's a February when this podcast is coming out. It was the Christmas time, and one of my clients, Johanna, actually started in in end of November. This her journey, and she said, Okay, what is the realistic goal? I said that it's if you are making if you are, like, losing weight was her goal. And then what happened during the Christmas time, she maintained everything. And then now in January, everything got back to normal, and there was no dinners or or family, see, cut back into her normal routine, and then, oh, but it's, it's a bit slow that progress. But let's look at, look at yourself at Christmas time. If you, if you would say, like, I know, how was your situation last year, year ago, in that time, asked that that was a little bit different. So I gained a lot of weight during the Christmas time last year. Then and now you are, you are complaining because you were maintaining everything during Christmas time. I i see their huge progress. So it's not about making that perfect progress, what you think that should be, the progress, how it should look like, because it looks for every person, different than if you compare yourself where you were last year at this time, for example, in a Christmas time, and now you see that you have made something better. That's a that's a between, and you should celebrate it, because if you don't we, you we tied to or at least I'm person who kind of forgets those good things and wins and not celebrating like you are reaching for something, but you never basically celebrate yourself and that that is celebrating, because if you never Celebrate yourself, you will never be happy and celebrating your success is a crucial part, and it don't have to be like for me. For example, in my workouts, every single time I workout, I have my protein shake, my tasty proteins after, and that's my kind of small way to celebrate my success that I did something what is actually hard and always not just those outcomes, but more like actions. So celebrate your actions, celebrate your small wins, what you have, what you have done in that that is, that is something, what you can always do. And then real life example is that thinking like that, if you think that it's it's too hard to I can't work out. So shifted, maybe shifting the perspective would open totally new view of this, like, what I have done, like, because it's it all starts from creating that action and starting that action. And if I think, like, for example, pet was a it's a great example, like, Oh, she was, at some point during the year, she was felling off and didn't get herself into a workout routine again. So how she started to shift that action like, what is the first action step? Because she she had a workout plan in her app, but she wasn't getting herself to do it or to getting started. But you workout at three times a week and doing at least first exercise, first set of each workout. So that was it started. She started to get created action, and that that is for many people that if you you just keep telling yourself they can't, but then thinking like the voice, the simplest, easiest way to start taking action for something, what you are aiming for. So it could be like example, like pet opening, just workout that, doing one exercise, and rather than thinking that I can't do the full, full workout. So what is the point? Even to get started? So, but simply got started, and that action led to success and momentum. See, did more than one exercise on average, and that's, that's what, what I always recommend. That's what I do myself. Do that I never do full workout. But instead of just getting started, going to the my my cold cars, and do one exercise. And I know that once I trick myself getting started, there is a big chance that I will do more than just one exercise. But this is shifting the perspective and talking and keeping promises what you make to yourself, even they are much smaller. So those, those are just examples in a real life what you could be doing, and it it applies to food habits, allowing yourself a treat without guilt or overthinking or having if you went out that you don't need to kind of make it good, restrict yourself next day. So because those cycles, they leave it only that you feel guilt, shame, likely it's got you're going to, you're going to repeat that pattern over and over again. So it's that positive self talk. It creates such a positive effect in the long term. And when you when you start to focus in what you can do instead of what you can't, it allows so much more flexibility and growth, so and that obviously it creates more consistency, greater consistency and more sustainable habits. So be patient with yourself and trust the process that small positive steps add up over time. So I like to end this podcast with some little challenge and and take a paper and pen or your phone and write down your negative self talk that what you are frequently facing, and then try to reframe those thoughts into positive, action oriented statements. So for example, that it could be it could be that if you think one area of your life, it could be something you know, Fitness, Health, relationship career, or where you are telling yourselves I can't and and try to reframe it, I what you can. So this is just a small action, what you can take and do at right now, and please do it now. Don't post do don't tell yourself that I do it tomorrow or something. Take your notes from your phone, write it down and reframe your thoughts, and you can share it in your social media or with a friend to create that kind of accountability and and kind of started shifting that moment momentum. So hopefully you are doing it right now and then let me know how it goes. So thank you so much for listening, and if you enjoyed the post podcast I always like to promote, please leave five star review. Those are helping so much, or if you have a friend, or you know that is talking so negatively about themselves. Please share this episode with that your friend or family member. Thank you again for listening. Talk to you soon.