Tackling the Fear and Stress Around Losing Weight: A Mindful Approach

Hey, and welcome back to Fit meter of fitness podcast, a podcast dedicated to helping you to transform your life to healthy living and mindfulness. Today, I want to dive into a subject that affects almost everyone on their fitness and wellness journeys to fear and stress that comes a long way with your goals. So, first, I want to talk a little bit about what is this fear and stress really mean because I recently talked with one of my coaching clients, Samia and ZBrush, unfortunately, she had a, some setback with her medical situation, and she was visiting a doctor and that doctor ordered her to lose 20 kilos of weight. And obviously, that caused a lot of fear, a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety, as that is a huge goal. And often we are when you are talking about these kinds of goals that losing weight or exceeding some C significant health milestone, there is some fear that what if I don't make it, like especially if you think in this situation that if that doctor is telling you which is obviously it's a big goal, and a big excitement, and you are first you are starting to have fear that what is going to happen if I'm not making my you are doubting yourself that am I am I able to actually do this because it's, it's a big thing, or how I how or you might be thinking that how I I possibly could get to my target weight when I have so much to lose. And these are thoughts only, not only to add stress, but also can seriously hamper your progress. So if you really think that this is this is a vicious cycle, so that fear and stress it can, it can lead that you are getting so scared that you have those emotions. And when you feel those emotions. For many of us, the way how you are reacting is that it might mean even you know that what you should be losing to lose weight you have clear in your mind. But when it's that fear and anxiety, it's so strong, it's it might be leading to emotional eating that you don't know you are overwhelmed, you don't know what to do how to deal with those emotions and you end up eating, you might be procrastinating or just give up totally. Like you are abandoning abandoning your fitness goals even you know, and it's a big thing you must you must do it as somebody has told it. But then what what it all that is leading that if you don't, you are not having that progress, what you'd like to see, or there is coming that you know that you should not be eating for emotions, when it still happens. It triggers even more more fear, more stress, and you are repeating that kind of vicious cycle. And it's it's going to be contract counterproductive for POJO calls, as you know very well. So with this call with Samia, see, see she had those exactly those emotional road roadblocks and she knew like when we were talking to you know that the same try to cut Sucre completely out. And as he was starting to add, walking like crazy and adding some walking, and because she knows that, that she has to do she knows that those things have helped her in the past to lose that weight. And but it's still because if you think it like 20 kilos, it's a big hits of action peak goal to exceed. And it's it's kind of little bit overwhelming. But but if you if you are an if you do like that, it's it's probably if you talk with a doctor or something they give you that you got to do it as soon as possible, or there is something happening and, and this is for me, I'm not a doctor or something like I am you understand the point that you gotta be getting there. But if you didn't get like that, how you are getting there. It's not that it's not that if you think the whole goal, it feels, it feels it's a big goal, but how you are getting there, you get there one day at a time. And like we talked with, with Samia that during that call, we shifted her mindset, totally of losing that 20 to 20 kilos to taking it one day at a time. So it sounds a little bit cliche, but let's unpack it a little bit. So if you didn't I think what is what is even that is it's a big goal that when you kill Most. But if you if you think that what you can do today, what you can do tomorrow, what you can do like what happened in the past, first of all, that doesn't matter, because that doesn't tell you anything about future. So whatever has happened in the past, while maybe you have tried it in the past, you have made some progress, like most of the people, they know what they should be doing. Like Samia knew that for her was working. Having also girls adding activity like walking, and that was working. But then if that is not leading, that you are actually being able to maintain your results, why this time would be different. So we analyzed little bit what was the problem in the past, and then we were restarting. We created a plan, what do you can do today, and of course, the problem is that you have probably, if you don't know what you should be losing weight, you have probably a B list things what you know that you should be doing, like maybe you want to cut the carbs, maybe you want to cut Sucre completely out, maybe you got your own whole favorite foods, you need to eat a little bit less, you should be exercising, you should be moving, you should be trying to eat your protein, vegetables, and so on. So there is a there is a hundreds of things, what you should be doing. But and then when you feel like that, you might be able to do it for a short period of time. But when at as soon as you something happens in life, life is getting busy, like it always does. And there is something happening, maybe you have some setback, everything it's it's you get that feeling of frustration that now it's getting so hard. So this is how we reduced her anxiety. And like it's, it's, it feels like that it's It sounds simple, but it is actually very simple. So on every single day's actions, so I like what you can do today. And like with some we created a plan, what you can you have a most important things, what matters the most. And it's it's, I would say that each face, it should be one to cheat three things never more. Because if you are if you are doing, if you try to get too much on your plate, it's not going to how you how you're gonna feel when you are not able to do it. So in some use case, we had a we set a couple things like amount of steps like that is something that is 100% under your control. So you can you can if you try to get let's say it doesn't matter, I'm not for Samia was 9000 steps, because C have been C have been taking 6000 7000 steps. So adding, adding just 1000 2000 Maybe 3000 steps per day. That's, that feels that that's doable. If you try to go to double it, like go for 12,000 steps, or or doing even more, it's again, two months at a time, maybe after a month when she's averaging 9000 steps, what was her goal, it's time to add more things, but not in the beginning. So this was step number one. Step number two was like that. In Additionally, she wanted to hit 20 minutes, treadmill, so on to cardio. So this was step number two and this, this is 100% under your control, so she knows that she needs to hit hit the treadmill to 20 minutes walking, and that's going to help her next step was dirt. The point we took for her was to focusing on her protein intake and adding protein. Why? Why is that it mouths might sound like that, why? Why you should be adding protein, because protein is something. These are just examples. By the way, it's not that you have to do this, but it was for her like what she was struggling, she was eating 40, maybe 50 grams of protein and her goal should be getting 120 130 grams of protein. So there is a lot of room of improvement. And when she's able to get that protein, it's automatically leading because protein is the most feeling macronutrient and use that you are feeling so full that you are you are eating out automatically lists other things. So this was step number three. And it's not the goal. First goal was not to go from 40 grams to 120. Because that's like tripling your protein intake, but aiming for 100 grams or 80 grams. The only goal is to improve where you have been. And it doesn't need to be the optimal bodies necessary. But when you are able to improve, let's say that you are able to get 100 grams of protein or 90 grams of protein. And from there, you do that for a couple of weeks. You try to beat those routines, but you get that in and then it's time to take that next step and adding even more of it to what You are already doing. So these are these are everything exons are 100% under your control, which are leading that and helping you to lose that what is that big goal and scalability, something that you can't control, it's not even it doesn't matter, even you are doing everything, you hit your steps, you hit your treadmill, you hit your protein, if it's your calorie target, or whatever it is, your scale weight is not 100% under your control, in long term, it will go down. But on every single day after day, you can say that now I lost half kilo weight, I hit my goals because literally you could be going for a sauna or hot tub and sweat out little bit weight. And you would hit your goal without actually doing any of those actions which are helping. So this is this is this is how that kind of day to day mindset is helping you to exceed those big goals. And it could be that you set that goal for if it's a weight loss, I'm a big fan of weight loss goals, like obviously you can manage when you are monitoring, right things like collecting data, what you are doing, like a scale rate is something what I always I, I love to use for my clients, I love to control, take measurements rates, but how I'm doing it, it's it's that you rate yourself every single day, and but taking only average rate per week. So you have one number per week, and that is seeing where that number and that drink is going. So if you are in a long term, it's going in the right direction where you want to go and what is a good progress, this is something what most people they have unrealistic expectations and you feel like that you are not going anywhere, even you are actually making very good progress. So if you are losing, let's say that your calorie deficit should be 500 calories per day, on average, it would lead it would mean that you are losing half kilo, so around one pound per week on average weight and fat. So this is a good progress to aim for it could be that in the beginning, it's more because you might lose a little bit to water rate or whatever, whatever. But in the long term, if it slows down at some point, and you are looking like that, you started let's say two months ago, you have lost four kilograms, which is like eight pounds or something in two months, that is a very very good progress in a long term. And it could be that some people are losing that weight within first two weeks and after that they are maintaining you are still on average making very good progress and this is the key part to understand that some people even despite you are doing things accurately, you are doing everything you can focusing on daily actions, you might not see scale moving in the beginning, but then at some point, it will go down maybe faster. But in the long term, that that is the progress what you should be getting and if you are not if it's not after, let's say 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, where you want to beat and you are probably not in a deficit or as big deficit as you think. And this is then it's time to access your methods access to your ways what you are doing but before telling that something is not working for me you need a little bit longer time. So this is this is how we were we were structuring structuring this process so and here here is what is what is what was the other other issue like I said I'm not dealing like us and that is why what I'm what what my coaching I think it's something what I love about it about myself I'm not telling anyone or barely never that what you must do this it's totally up to you my job is as a coach to provide strategies because there are different ways what are working for each individual and when something is working for some reason for your friend like if you see that somebody's cutting Sucre completely out it might work for someone but for someone else it might not be the best possible strategy I posted. This is that's what we were we ended up talking with me to something else so that cutting Sukra not telling that you can do it but as it Why are sugar itself it's not it's not the problem obviously if you consume it too much over too long period of time. You are having like kind of empty calories which you must but it's not that if you if you did to yourself like that's what he was saying that he already started to see that now. Once you have that big goal see started to say friends we're asking her for for going out having maybe a glass of wine, enjoying some cake or crushingly once in a while. equals something and see started to say that No, no, I'm not going to do it because I, you know you are on socializing, you are not having any social life and and if that is where your weight loss journey if you start to see that you recognize these kinds of patterns that you are telling things, what you probably would like to do, but you are telling me no, I'm not going ghosts, I know how it's going to go, it's probably not going to be the most sustainable and the best way to do it. And when we were we were talking about these different options for her. And I said that if you like I used to do I have tried, I love to try different things. And obviously what works for me, is probably not always what works for some other people. But because there are many coaches who are telling like that, you know, if something is working for them, then they think that this is the way and how it's going to work for everyone. But with experience, I have seen that same things to hit home for a day barely never work for same people you might have some kind of patterns, what are helping to that works for same type of people. But for example, it is super, I introduced her that kind of budget calorie budget like us. And this is this what she felt I mean felt right away that this might be actually it's a good idea like because instead of when you tell yourself that I can't have anything you cut completely super out, you're completely alcohol allowed that you are not allowing yourself even little bit. So when and then it was like I'm I kind of miss it that social life. I said yeah, if that snacking is the problem, why you don't create a rule for yourself? Like having having kind of calorie budget? Because there is no no like, what it what it helps like if you have kind of calorie parts it it removes that thinking like a good or bad food or I can't have this you have always ups you can have it and there is no right or wrong answer. What do you how you want to do it. Like, the best example of what I love to always tell is that the poor women if they want to like it could be you could be using another example also. But for women, you know, you want to have a new back. And let's say your budget is 2000 you have dollars or euros or whatever currency you aren't using, you have a bad set, you have a choice, whether you want to have one like a brand, like I'm not, I don't know, some brands I've my wife, daughter to Louis Vuitton or how to call it, it's some brand, like what is they have they produce like very expensive bag, so you could probably have a one off dose. Or you could get some cheaper ones you could have with the 2000, same money. Same obviously, it's not the same thing, but you could have maybe 100 of them. So you spent you end up spending exactly the same amount. And there is no good or bad apps out there. You know, you appreciate different things, sometimes you want to have something else and and if that makes you more happy feeling better about it, that choice is totally up to you. And it's the same thing with the calories, you know how you end up like obviously, if you end up every time having those kinds of cheat meals, eating those calories within cheat mix, it's going to make things a lot harder. Because simply because you are going to obviously it's not going to be optimal for your health or anything. I'm not telling that. But if you think just the calories, it's going to make you you're going to be hungry, you don't your energy levels will not be as good as possible. But if you find kind of your middle way that within those calories, you you find what makes you what is kind of that sweet spot for you. And that for some years, I was like, why why you wouldn't try to do like creating kind of rule for yourself with a bit of snacks. And, and that kind of thing. Like what gives you a little bit freedom. Like what I love to say it's an 8020 rule. It sounds like you've probably heard what it means that it's a reproach and should be kind of healthy, and 20 Gross. And it could be what you have a little bit more enjoyment. And let's say that your calorie parts, it's your maintenance, your calorie goal is 2000. So 20,000 would mean 400 calories per day. So obviously your number could be different. It could be for example 300 Or if your calorie goal is 1500 then obviously it's it's a bit lower than 20,000. It's it's a 300 calories, but whatever whatever number you decide to choose that then it's totally up to you that if the 80% I use now 2000 calories that's simple to think so 400 calories every single day would be your budget to eat foods which are not necessarily the most healthiest one. What what gives you Do that enjoyment. And that could include wine, it could include soakers, sweets, cakes, chocolate, whatever you mean. So eating, and we think that when you stay within that, but you are going to have little bit more freedom you are going to have, but you are still making serve, if you have those nutrients, which you are going to need, like if you have majority of your foods are like what I love to call it, one ingredient foods, it means that there is only one ingredient. So if you think that if you look at whatever you are going to put into your mouth, and you look labeled there is you see that there is a lot of things like colors, ie, whatever things you have there. But if you have just one ingredient like let's say that you have a potato, you have a apple, you have a banana, there is only one ingredient. But soon as you start to eat something like what is like little bit more processed, there is a lot of those things and when majority of your foods are minimally processed, and whole nutritious foods, you're doing it great. And then the rest, eat whatever you want. Because it's not that, you know, obviously, if you want to go for having a wine, one glass of wine, depending on wine, it has maybe 120 140 calories. So you could have two, three glasses. But then if you depending what you have with that wine, it's if you are going to snag some tips or whatever this is all including for your kind of cheat pad set, or I don't I like to call it like a C thing because it's not seating, you are just deciding or choosing to eat more insoluble foods. And when you use this, your but it gives you freedom, but you have still some kind of rules like that, it's not that you're going out. And that goes often if you tell to yourself that I can't have any sweets, I can't have any alcohol. And then when you at some point, you might be able to resist it for a while. And then when you go out and say that, okay, now I can't take it anymore. And now I'm going to have it. So then you have it's kind of off limits, you are not that, okay? I'm eating and drinking now today as much as I want and usually even a lot more than you, you know that you would have enough already. But because you are telling yourself that i Tomorrow, I'm going to start over. So now it doesn't matter anymore because I ruined already everything. And this is the point where you actually self sabotage your progress. And, and but when you have that kind of you made yourself your own rules like that, like I said, I'm not making rules for yourself, or for you, you make those rules, and then it's up to you how you are sticking with them. So if you have that 300 400 Calorie parts it for foods, drinks, what you actually enjoy eating chocolate to your attorney is going to be a lot more sustainable and you are going to have you have you increase your chances to seek stick with your plan. And plus you remove that guilt and saying what you what you probably are having. And so this is this is now to summarize everything what we what I taught here. So start small, don't think about that 20 kilos or, or whatever you need to be losing. Think about that half kilo, what is your goal this week? And what actions are going to lead it and don't try to take everything. Don't try to take everything about to do that your to do list that it's going to be everything, pick 123 things and focus only on those things. And after they when you can tell yourself that let's say that like for some Yeah, I said that. Three things. It's already pretty much but if end of the day, you can mark as done two of three things. You are doing it great because last week it was zero, maybe one days it was one some days was one. But on average, you never had more than after a week. You from these three things. You had maybe seven to 10 You were martyred. You were doing it. But now what is the progress? It's not the hit 21 Like every single day, all three things. But let's say that you are able to improve from seven you're going to 14 or from 10 to 14 you are having on average two things. Next week. You have exactly the same things, but you are trying to aim for six and then week by week, it's becoming easier. And on a day by day day after day. You are getting closer to your goals because you are able to focus on those actionable things which are in the long term is going to lead to You're in college, that big goal, what is in your mind? And tip number two is that kind of positive self talk. So think it, this is kind of what we are all guilty, we are very good. If I ask from my clients, for example, that, tell me one thing, you are not happy with yourself this week. And usually I get within a seconds you are ready to give answer. And not only one, there are many, I missed this, I missed this, I didn't do this. But I think you'd like it. What is what is something what is a good thing. And usually we ignore those things like if you think your situation back, let's say, maybe a week ago, maybe a month ago, or maybe you go back in one year, and seeing how you create normally on these situations, and what you would normally do. And this is not to compare yourself with someone else like that you see in social media that this one is making so much progress, losing so much weight, but comparing yourself where you have been in the past. And when you are able to when you are making progress. And that progress is sometimes it's it's very hard to recognize ourselves, because we are so hard on ourselves that goes we know we have those big to do lists. And when you don't hit exactly everything, or everything is not going bland. You are then feeling guilty and saying and this is this is why you must celebrate also and talk positively about yourself. Because you are in the end you are only human. And the best thing is that if you if you think like that, what think, listen, how you are talking to yourself. And if you wouldn't use the same language, how you talk to yourself, to your best friend who is struggling, don't use it for yourself too. Because if you're let's imagine that your friend is your best friend is coming to tell you that you know, what should I what advice you should give me that, you know, I I ate like a sheet today I was having like a five glasses of wine, some snacks on the other day and I feel really guilty about it. You will tell to your best friend that you fucking idiot what you just did that. Get put yourself together and start doing it. Now instead you'd say probably like that, you know, that's life, it happens, you are only human and move forward and act like nothing happened. But still, you are telling yourself totally different thing. So this is this is an it's not it's easier said than done. But just talk to yourself. Listen, how you are talking to yourself and learn to find positive ways to talk to yourself, because it's all starting how you are talking to yourself. And then this what I love to use is that simple checklist method, what I already mentioned, write down that your tasks what you can with your actions, complete with what you can say with 100% accurate accurately after every single day that you have completed them. So it's going to be something that is miserable and just ticking it off. Like if your goal is to like some use case, hitting 100 grams of protein, you have 100 grams of protein, it's either yes or no and when you have done it, it's done. If your goal is to hit 9000 steps once you hit 9000 steps it's done when your goal is to go on treadmill go for zone two cardio for 20 minutes walking or running or whatever your goal is or strength training. It's either you have done it or you haven't and it's done. So you have those tasks and once you accomplish those tasks which are usually they are helping to achieve that bigger goal you are feeling so much better about yourself because if you try to get those 100 things What do you know you should be doing and then once you can it feels overwhelming you feel frustrated you feel anxious that am I ever going to get to that my people so this is this are hopefully helpful and and what is what is going to help you to manage this emotional cycle. It's it's to have some kind of support system. So it's either having some friends or family members who understands what you are going through and can offer maybe some emotional even some other support that you are keeping yourself accountable. For some it could be a coach, like myself or in for example my Facebook group I have two books other one is free accountability group called Fit Me Turo VIP fitness friends for life another one I use for my clients. So we are taking in their talking what is going on and just keeping you accountable and seeing like that you are not alone. They are terrazze There are people who are struggling with exactly the same things. And it's, it's not easy. It's not, it's very hard to stay consistent, it's very hard, you are going to have some setbacks. But when you have that support system, who is who is pushing you, motivating you, celebrating you, when you are doing those things, it's, it's, it's, it makes everything so much easier. So, so don't underestimate cause if you are like, I'm, I'm guilty of that kind of frustration too. Like that, you know, I'm more like a person who is like, all like, I know how to do it by myself. And when I don't get there, you know, then it's frustrating, I get over what I should be doing. And then when I have I'm part of coaching groups and mentorships and, and that is when when I see that I'm not alone, there is same people going through exactly the same problems. Same quotes is struggling, like if I try to make some Instagram posts or Tik Tok videos, and I get anxious, like I get very late, I don't reach new people, I don't have followers or whatever reason, like for you, it might be some kind of weightless struggle. So fitness struggles that you are not reaching your goals as quickly as possible or as fast as you should think they are. There are some setbacks, when you are when you are surrounded with same minded people. And you are able to actually talk with those things that's going to make that's going to be a game changer, how you are feeling about yourself, and seeing that you are not alone in this journey, you are not alone with your struggles. But if you keep it like, I'm guilty for that 100% I keep everything by myself. And then it leads that it's it opened my eyes, when I started to actually talk with these things, I record this podcast for you just talking with these things. And this is helping so much to create that kind of clarity. And understanding that this is a journey. It's not it's it's what ultimately, what matters is consistency, that you are doing better things, making smarter choices, smarter decisions, in the long term than focusing on those how every single day went. And then you know when you are in a longer period, like learning to think like little bit in the long term. Because if you keep repeating these habits, what you have, you are, you are where you are today, it's a sum of habits, what you had yesterday, or within past months, that is the fact that is the fact that the sooner you understand it better you will be and then when you start to change those small things, those habits and learning to actually be consistent. That's when everything started to change. So so just to wrap up this episode, so focus on precedent, starting small, having support system, and it will make everything so much easier. So I would appreciate if you have if you have any takeaways from this episode, please share it in your social media or just with the one friend. And let me know I would love to talk if you listen to my podcasts that you are taking me take a screenshot from this episode, tag me in social media. And let me know what you think about this episode. What was your biggest takeaway? Because this is, if you are not if you're just listening, passively, dating advice of all that was good advice. But you never put it down, write it down, put it start actually taking action. Probably you are going to forget everything I talked it's it's uninstalled. But it's how it is like that. What we are doing, how we are dealing with all information because there's so much good information available. But if you never put it into action, you start taking action, writing down what you actually learn, because the best way is to what you if you learn something new, what was like the big aha moment that Wow. If you delegate to someone else to teach it, it's more likely that he's going to stick with you. There are several studies from that and says, I would appreciate it obviously. And if you haven't done thank you for those who have left the five star reviews in Spotify, Apple podcasts, where you can leave it, those are helping massively me to reach more people. So thank you for those who have who have already done it and if you haven't, would more than appreciate. So thank you for listening and talk to you soon.